Irish Twilight

19 April 2011

“The way you’re feeling right now, it’s why I have to believe in something bigger than me.  Because if I didn’t, that powerlessness would eat me alive”  ~ Dr. Burke, Grey’s Anatomy 2x12

My thing is, I don’t trust the something bigger than me to be powerful.  When my uncle was dying of cancer, I almost hit a deer with my car, but I had recalled at the last moment that I should be watching for them and so I saw it and I was able to avoid the deer.  I sent up an automatic prayer of thanks to god for reminding me to watch for deer in the twilight.

And then I started bawling.  Because that is what we do.  When good things happen, we thank god.  We attribute our blessings to him.  But if he has the power to remind me to watch for deer, why is my uncle going to die of cancer?  Why doesn’t he get a miracle?

I don’t want to attribute cancer to God.  But that means I can’t attribute my blessings to him, either.

So what is left?

Does he welcome us afterwards?  After all our trials and blessings and heartaches?

I hope so.

 

 “You got what you asked for, Dean.  No Paradise, no Hell, just more of the same.  I mean it, Dean, what would you rather have: Peace?  Or Freedom?” ~ Castiel, Supernatural 4x22

 

 

There has been some online chatter about “What Happens In Burma”. I’ve noticed that many people were upset by a few things (racefail, daddy issues trope). I’m only going to discuss the Daddy issues part.

I have to say that I was actually really happy with this episode.  I enjoyed it immensely.  It was great for me to see Peter and Neal trusting each other a lot more and working together across the spectrum of gray area of the law.  I really loved the way Peter asked about Neal’s dad until he told him.  It built off of what we saw in the “Forging Bonds”, when Neal and Peter started asking each other questions about the past that didn’t actually concern Adler (Neal’s interest in Peter’s search for him, Peter’s interest in Neal’s relationship with Kate).  Peter asking about Neal’s dad, and then Neal telling him and saying “Now you know”... I love that Peter’s response was “Glad I do”.  He pretty much just stated that he’s happy that he’s getting to know Neal more, and that Neal is trusting him and talking to him – he enjoys being friends.

As far as the concern regarding bringing in Daddy issues, after reading other posts, I can kind of see where people are coming from.  It is a subject which has been overdone, and it does have the potential to ruin character development to an extent.  But I just wasn’t looking at things the same way I guess.  To my mind, this is what happened:

Neal grows up without a father.

Neal’s mother tells him his father was a cop, a hero who was killed taking down bad guys.

Neal grows up wanting to be like his dad, he learns how to use guns and is really talented.

Someone who either has enough evidence to make it plausible, or who Neal trusts enough to believe, reveals to Neal that his father was actually a dirty cop.

Neal goes though a rough patch, he doesn’t know who he is anymore; he doesn’t know if he can trust himself.  Guns, the weapon he thought his dad protected people with, his dad probably actually used to harm good people, and Neal no longer likes them.

Neal moves to New York.  He is very talented at conning, forging, art.  He commits crimes but only against people who can afford it or deserve it, and quits carrying a weapon because he doesn’t want to hurt people like his dad did.

Now, people have mentioned that the daddy issues are used in a cookie-cutter like manner to negate or explain away Neal’s criminal life.  However, I don’t believe that he is a forger and a con artist because his “dad was a criminal and, well, he must be one too”.  No.  I think that he’s worked very hard ever since he found out about his dad to never become like him.  Every case he’s worked, he’s never wanted to hurt anyone.  He is always trying to help out people, even while working with Peter and having to go behind the FBI’s back to do it (“The Portrait” for example).  In my mind, finding out that his dad was a dirty cop didn’t make him into a criminal.  He steals from the rich bureaucrats who his dad probably was being bribed by.  And he has been trying his hardest to never let anyone down and never let anyone get hurt.

Anyways, I don’t know if that makes anyone feel any better about Show, but it’s how I see things, and I’m still loving White Collar :)

So, out of the blue Friday I get a random text from someone I don't know. I ignored it. Then I got another. And I decided I should let this person know that I wasn't someone they knew. Bad idea. Never encourage the crazy people. Ignoring them is always the best option. I submit the following conversation as evidence:

Friday afternoon:
3:15 PM"Hey Text Me Buddy Baby Michael Write Me Soon"

Friday night:
10:55 PM "Hey Goodnight."
Me: "Who is this?"
10:57 PM "Its Andrea Holmes"
Me: "I think you have the wrong number. My name's Melissa."
10:59PM "So How Are You? Wuts Supp."
...no response...
10:59 PM "Andrea Holmes"
...
11:01 PM "Oh Sorry Melissa Resling?"
Me [entirely fed up and wanting to sleep] "No"
11:03 PM "Ok Im sorry Melissa Wedmark"

wtf? I am not seriously going to correct this freak and give her my real last name.

Saturday evening:
5:43 PM "Hey Michael How Are You Doing ? Wuts"
...no response...
6:13 PM "Hi"
...
9:08 PM "This Andrea Rob Im Just Texting Im Not Doing Any Harm so Wuts Up? How Are My Friend."

okay, really? first i'm Michael and now i'm Rob? and in case you're wondering, this is exactly how the texts appear, I'm not changing the capitalization, spelling, or punctuation. wacky.

Sunday
10:00 AM "Hey Goodmorning you"
Me: "STOP TEXTING ME. I am getting seriously annoyed. And you do not want to make me angry. Trust me."

So she CALLS me! As if I'd answer.  She left a voicemail:
"Hi Robert it's andrea ... if you want me to stop texting you my name is andrea holmes and we're best friends and you text me all the time and i don't frickin care but if you want me to stop texting you then screw you..."
I didn't take down the whole thing, I didn't want to waster the minutes on my phone listening to this insane message multiple times.

I was a little concerned that she still thinks I'm Rob so I texted her again:
"Okay i just got your voicemail and seriously, i told you already that i am not Rob. You have the wrong number. I don't know you."

And her response? This intellectual gem:
"I Told You Seriously I Wasnt Doin Wrong You What Is Name Next Me Call I Dont Give You Are If Bf And To Chager Me Police Its Over Im Fide Up Go Pick stop Texting"

I'm stunned. Thoroughly. I have no faith left in humanity. If this is society, we are doomed.
With all the capitalization, I'm thinking it might even be spam, but what kind I have no idea. It's rather unnerving.
I'm unnerved.
But hey, life goes on. I'm going to enjoy my afternoon and then head to work. Because crazy people are not my problem.

Okay, so maybe I'm just a lost country girl, but I really don't understand the premise behind wanting to move the main public transit stops away from "downtown" (by shifting the routes one block south and one block north) in order to "clean up" the congested, loitering, dirty section of street that has the honor of being dubbed "downtown".
Personally, I do find downtown rather dirty.  When I need to make trips into the city, I like to stick to the north and west ends. They're cleaner, newer, and on average richer.  Which really only means less street people, and cleaner people.
Downtown is the crowded place to live.  It is where all the people who rely on the nearby social services end up.  And where those who rely on the public transit system because they can't afford a car need to live.  It's where you find the most people living in the least amount of space in the oldest buildings.
And making prettier sidewalks and moving the public transit routes is not going to help.
The buses all stop there because that is the transfer point.  If you split the routes and move them two blocks apart, a lot of people are going to be forced to walk two blocks to make their transfer.  Do you know how hard it is to make a transfer? Do you know how much time it would add to the average working person's day to not be able to make a 3 minute transfer? Do any of these people making these decisions do any more than drive by the "dirty" unpleasant sidewalks in their nice, comfortable cars?
I'm not trying to judge.  I'm just a firm believer in not making decisions for people unless you stand in their shoes.
It seems to me that the bus routes all end up there because it is downtown.  If we try to move the bus routes and the loitering people, all that is going to happen is dirtying up another part of town.  People congregate.  That's life.

Ian Gillespie wrote a column which I believe is perfectly appropriate here.  It's titled

We can't overlook the fact it's their city too

So I've figured a couple things out...
For one, my reluctance to grow up and become an adult.  I don't feel like I am as old as I am.  I don't feel like I should be finding a career and planning out the rest of my life.  Which is weird, because the one thing I know I do want is to get married and have a family.
But I've figured out where this reluctance comes from: the fear of change.  I want time to freeze.  I want things to stay exactly the way they are around me while my own life advances at its own pace.  I want my parents to stay the age they are now.  I want my little brother to stay my li'l bro.  I want my friends and family to stay happy and healthy.  I am terrified of change for the worse, and therefore don't want any change.
I'm afraid of failure and of disappointing people. I'm afraid of being disappointed.

I put on my awesome optimistic face for everyone around me, and I tell them all that I'm fine, that I'm awesome, that yes, my life may be hectic but I'm loving it.  And to some extent that is true.

But there's also that broken, scared, depressed part of me that no one sees.  Not because no one cares, but because I don't want anyone to have to worry about me.

And the truth is that while there are times when that dark part of me is all I can seem to see, I am truly enjoying my life.  I have such an excellent family, and awesome friends.  My program at school is hard and causes sleepless nights but I love that the section 3 gang has a real sense of community going on.  I work too many hours a week, but the employees are like a family and we keep each other going.

I told my best friend and fellow section 3 pal about my fear of change and she responded: "New plan: second star to the right and straight on til morning."
That sounds perfect to me. 
Neverland pact.
♥

So my place of part-time employment is falling apart. Like, really.  As in, I got locked in tonight and the end of my shift.  That's right. The lock broke and I was locked in the store. wtf?  And that's only the latest event in the spiraling descent into chaos.

I want to get the hell out of there, but my fellow employees and I are like a family. Heck, most of us are literally family. So I stick it out, but I'm thinking that may not last much longer.  Not my personal status of employment you understand, but the establishment in general.

Anyways, it all turned out.  I'm back home, I have coffee, music, and an essay to finish. Wish me luck!

Finished a paper for class this afternoon and had some spare time so I transcribed the last featurette: Nothing But the Truth.
I wasn't planning on it, but I thought I'd ask, is there anyone who wants me to transcribe the gag reel?  Just ask :)

(  It’s always interesting to read from the other team’s playbook  )

Hey, so I've got another extra transcribed.
Thank you for all the thanks, since I know you're interested, I'll continue to do them.
The others may be a while longer coming since I have 5 assignments due next week.
However, I do plan on getting around to transcribing the audio commentaries as well as the webcast for all those people who either don't have access to see them or whose first language is not English and therefore like to have subtitles to help with understanding.
Anyways, here's the second DVD featurette: "A Cool Cat in the Hat"

( And of course, nobody looks better in that hat than Matt Bomer )

Hey. so I've started transcribing the White Collar Season 1 DVD Extras.  Here is the first one, for the extra "Pro and Con".  It took me more 45 mins to transcribe this short featurette, so the others may be a while coming.  Please comment if you use them if you want me to continue ;)

( Neal’s character is who we all would love to be )

Hey so I wanted to give a detailed account of what I loved most about the awesome episode of White Collar this week written by Jim Campolongo. Company Man 2x08.

I wrote down some thoughts after the first viewing of the episode last night.

First, as an aside, I’ve noticed that some people were misspelling Mozzie’s name at the beginning. I have no confirmation of the meaning of his name, I haven’t read or heard anything the writers said about it, but all I know is that “mozzie” is what Australians call mosquitos. Just in case anyone didn’t know that.

( No more secrets )

I don’t know how I’m going to wait for the summer finale next week!

And I have no idea what I’ll do when I have to start my Masters next week without new episodes of White Collar to keep me sane!